Frequently-Asked Questions

How should I choose a therapist?
Unless you have a personal recommendation from your GP, or someone else who knows you and in whom you trust, it is not easy to find the "right" therapist. It is still true in the UK that anyone can call themselves a psychotherapist or a counsellor without breaking any law. Dozens of organisations offer training, in many different styles of work. However, it is difficult now for individual psychotherapists or counsellors to achieve credibility within their profession unless they are registered with a well-respected national organisation such as the following:

In addition to independent therapists, there are agencies which exist to provide expert services, often at more affordable costs. One important national organisation which provides psychodynamic counselling at a network of regional centres is:

There is a WPF-affiliated centre in Southampton, that can provide reliable counselling at flexible rates:


Do I need a doctor's referral?
You do not need a doctor's referral to see a psychotherapist or counsellor privately. However, nearly all of the private health insurers insist on a doctor's referral to a psychiatrist before they will pay the cost of treatment. A psychotherapist will usually request your permission to write a courtesy letter to your GP, but may agree not to if you have a special reason.
Large organisations often have "employee-assistance" schemes which provide some counselling for their staff, and sometimes also for their families. Usually, no referral is needed: initial contact is by phone to a helpline number.

Do I need to take tablets?
Many people starting psychotherapy have consulted their doctor about their problems, and been prescribed medicines of various kinds. You may have been given tablets to tide you over a difficult period, or you may have been advised to continue taking them indefinitely. It is not the psychotherapist's job to interfere with your doctor's advice to you; however, it is most people's wish to lead their lives without support from tablets, and a psychotherapist will want to support this wish wherever possible.

What about confidentiality?
What you say in the consulting room is highly confidential: this is ensured by the ethical codes which therapists abide by. If these codes are obeyed, there is no chance of others (e.g. family, doctors, employers, media) knowing about anything you have said. There are two important exceptions. One is that if you reveal information of your intentions to do yourself or someone else serious harm, then your therapist may be legally justified in seeking advice from others about how to prevent it. The other is when courts of law exert pressure on the therapist to reveal information about you. Fortunately this is very uncommon, and few people have any experience of it. There is one additional consideration: all psychotherapists and counsellors are bound by their codes of practice to discuss their casework with a senior professional from time to time. In these discussions, clients' names are never mentioned.

Must I tell my therapist "everything"?
In therapy as in life, you shouldn't tell anyone anything unless you trust them. A psychotherapist or counsellor will try to build an atmosphere of trust, in which you will feel safe to discuss your innermost thoughts and feelings. But nothing is perfect - for some people, trust is very difficult. It is up to you how much of yourself you reveal.

Do I have to "fall in love" with my therapist?
No! Despite many novels and films, this is a myth. It is based on the fact that in therapy you may be dealing with some quite deep emotions, that would probably not be expressed outside the consulting room other than in a close romantic relationship. It is your therapist's duty to allow you to explore these emotions in safety, within the consulting room, and not to exploit the situation in any way. More discussion of this topic.

I have problems with my relationship - do we both need to see someone?
Ideally, yes, either as a couple or each separately - but it's often difficult to agree to do this. However, a therapist may be able to help you understand what is going on in your relationship, and to gain some insight into how you might be able to improve matters. Individual therapists (like me) spend a great deal of their time doing this with people. For further information on services for couples, click here.

What are the chances of success?
This is really a philosophical question. If psychotherapy or counselling is regarded as a "treatment" for an "illness" you can think about whether or not you will find a "cure". However, a lot of psychotherapy is about seeking improvements in your happiness or quality of life, and it is up to you how you define success, in terms of the time and money you spend on getting it. Your therapist will be able to discuss these matters with you. By agreeing to see you at all, your therapist is expressing some degree of belief in your being successful - together you will need to build on that belief.

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